Newcastle to buy every player in the world
Posted on February 24th, 2011 | 32 Comments |
It’s official – Newcastle are after every player in the world. As part of a cunning plan by Pardew and Ashley, Newcastle plan to buy all the world’s footballers, thus gaining a bye in every game because no other team will be able to field any players.
Or so it seems if you believe the press.
I reported last week about the club’s alleged interest in 7 players in 7 days and this week seems no different.
Djibril Cisse is apparently ‘on the radar’ after quitting Panathinaikos due to racism from the crowd. I seem to remember taking a dislike to Cisse a few years ago (for reasons other than him playing for the mackems), although I can’t remember the exact details. It was something to do with him winding the Toon crowd up. Although I could have imagined it.
Some of the newspapers have been reporting that we’re preparing a £10m offer for Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner, but was does it mean when they say we’re ‘preparing’ to make an offer? Has Ashley started counting the £10m now and is not due to finish until June? Or is it just that the press have chosen someone who could possibly be a candidate for a move to Newcastle – to make it sound at least feasible – and created a story without any real substance?
6ft 7in robotic beanpole Peter Crouch is another one being linked with us, although he’s 30 and on decent wages so I can’t see how he fits in with Ashley’s master plan to build a new Arsenal from young players who’ll work for £35/week.
It has been at least a week since Seb Larsson was linked to us, so he’s cropped up again as a summer target after apparently only snubbing Newcastle in January because he wanted to play at Wembley.
I must admit I never took our last minute bid for N’Zogbia in January too seriously, but we’re being linked as ‘still interested’ in the player, although apparently Steve Bruce is going to ‘snatch him from under our noses’ with a £12m bid. I checked in the mirror this morning and N’Zogbia is definitely not under my nose, so maybe Bruce already has him.
Ipswich Town’s Connor Wickham seems more like the sort of player we’d sign, although so far I’ve seen nothing to actually substantiate any interest from Newcastle despite some press reports making it sound like it’s a done deal. Ipswich are insisting he’s not for sale, although neither was Andy Carroll and we all know what happened there.
There have also been press reports linking us to Gervinho, Max Gradel and Taye Taiwo, so I reckon that’s 9 players this week which – added to the 7 from last week – means we’re now in the running for 16 players according to the press.
And that’s before we even get to my mate Big Bob at Milverton FC who, as I reported last week, has been strongly linked with Newcastle despite being the wrong side of 30. And the wrong side of 40 for that matter. But he is cheap.
So there’s a bit of transfer speculation for you. Mostly tosh!
NUFCBlog Author: Hugh de Payen
I'm a baby-boomer of the punk rock persuasion, currently exiled in Somerset for crimes committed in a previous life where locals keep trying to poison me with something called 'scrumpy'. Hates sprouts, coat-hangers, Cilla Black, ornaments, Steven Seagull movies and 50 Cent (he's not worth 10).
Hugh de Payen has written 634 articles on this blog.
Morning Ed, as I said in my copy last week, my neighbour, Bessy Surtees, was out with the girls on the shant an bumped into big Bob,s agent, a bloke called honest John Proffet, and he let slip when he was ratted that Big Bob was so keen to come to the toon, he would let Mr Cashley name his own fee, However, because of the recent upsurge in the clubs interest in so many players, Bob has intimated that he would forego any 10% and will sign for 30bob and a big orange as long as we buy him a new pair of boots every season. There you go, how about that for a bit of inside info.You could find me after your job next buddy.