Newcastle United vs West Ham United match preview and match banter!

Posted on August 24th, 2013 | 119 Comments |

Newcastle United v West Ham United.
Pardew on probation.
Venue: St James’ Park, Newcastle.
Date: Sat 24th Aug, 2013.
Kick off: 3.00pm.
Referee: Phil Dowd (Staffs).
UK TV: None.

Hello, good afternoon and welcome to our “match banter” for today’s first home fixture of the Premier League season, which sees the Magpies taking on Fat Sam’s West Ham.

Pardew on probation.

In Alan Pardew’s last 12 competitive games with Newcastle United, his record is Won 2, Drawn 3, Lost 7, Goals For 7, Goals against 26. With a record like that, the sharks should be circling, and I don’t mean the loan shark from Wronga, who, incidentally, will be staging their first Wronga “experience” at sunny St James’ Park today. One of their new half time pursuits for this season is called “Straight walking football,” where “two fans will race head to head through a course packed with obstacles to test their balance and skill. Whoever keeps their cool and finishes past Teenie and Tynie will take home £150″ (quote from the Hearts website). Think I’ll give that a miss next time I’m at St James’ Park.

It will be interesting to see how many Wronga shirts are in the crowd today in this first home game.

Team news.

Newcastle United.

Most of the drama regarding Pardew’s team selection will be centre around whether Yohan Cabaye plays. The Silver Supremo has been uttering some cryptic words on what the situation actually is. Did Pardew drop Cabaye from the team or did Cabaye actually refuse to play? Or was Pardew trying to make it seem as if it was Cabaye who was refusing to play after criticism for him not playing in last Monday’s mauling by Manchester City? Whatever happened, he’s down on the doubtful list until the team sheets come out.

On the rest, new loan signing Loic Remy will still be nursing his calf on the sidelines alongside Jonas Gutiérrez with his hamstring, and Massadio Haïdara with his knee. Finally, there’s the long, long injury saga of Ryan Taylor with his re-knacked Anterior Cruciate Ligament.

Finally, Newcastle United have one suspension of course, with Steven Taylor will serve the first game of his three match ban for his usual stupid and couterproductive antics on the pitch against Manchester City, which saw him receive a straight red card.

West Ham United.

Pardew will be pleased to know that Big Andy Carroll will still be out for some time with his swollen heel, though not so pleased to know that fellow Toon old boy Kevin Nolan will still be hanging around the box waiting to cause trouble. That just leaves West Ham defender George McCartney, who is out with a knacked knee.

I will be posting the final team sheets for the game when they become available.

Previous form.

Newcastle United and West Ham’s last six games (Premier League only, most recent games first)

Team Results Pts
Newcastle United L|L|W|D|L|D 5/18
West Ham United W|W|L|D|L|W 10/18

In our two games last season, Newcastle United drew 0-0 at their place, though West Ham took all 3 points in a 1-0 victory at St James’ Park earlier in the season, with (you guessed it) Kevin Nolan getting his name on the score sheet. Let’s hope there’ll be no more chicken dancing this afternoon!

What the managers have been saying.

Alan Pardew: “Sam’s an experienced manager, there’s no danger of West Ham going down, they’ve got good players. You like to think they’re in the same bracket as us. So it’s a big game for us. A big three points in that little group I think we’re in.”

Sam Allardyce: “First game of the season at St James’ Park and the fans will lift the players, so we will have to be on top form to make sure we get a result.”

So with that, I shall prepare to sign off now, but only after my usual reminders that though the game will not be televised in the UK, I shall be posting links to watch the game online, as well as highlights, and possibly a video of the whole match when it’s all over!

Howay the Lads!

Team sheets.

Newcastle United (4-4-2): Tim Krul (G), Mathieu Debuchy, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, Fabricio Coloccini (C), Davide Santon, Hatem Ben Arfa, Vurnon Anita, Moussa Sissoko, Sylvain Marveaux, Shola Ameobi, Papiss Cisse.

Subs: Rob Elliot (G), Paul Dummett, Dan Gosling, Gael Bigirimana, Haris Vuckic, Sammy Ameobi, Yoan Gouffran.

West Ham (4-2-3-1): Jussi Jaaskelainen (G), Guy Demel, James Collins, Winston Reid, Joey O’Brien, Mark Noble, Mohamed Diame, Matt Jarvis, Kevin Nolan (C), Stewart Downing, Modibo Maiga

Subs: Adrian (G), Razvan Rat, James Tomkins, Alou Diarra, Joe Cole, Ravel Morrison, Ricardo Vaz Te.

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Posted on by workyticket in category: Alan Pardew and Facts and stats and Injuries and fitness and Interviews and NUFC gossip and speculation and NUFC Match Banter and NUFC match previews and Workyticket and Yohan Cabaye
Comment on this post

119 Responses

  4. Not sure the fans will lift the team this time around ? If Pardwho wants to save his sorry arse from the sack he’ll somehow have to motivate those poor bastads in black and white to attack from the outset. That’s the only was I can see the crowd getting enthused today ?

    Mind you we’re talking Clueless here :(

  5. I’ve put teams up in the piece above but here they are down here too:

    Newcastle United (4-4-2): Tim Krul (G), Mathieu Debuchy, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, Fabricio Coloccini (C), Davide Santon, Hatem Ben Arfa, Vurnon Anita, Moussa Sissoko, Sylvain Marveaux, Shola Ameobi, Papiss Cisse.

    Subs: Rob Elliot (G), Paul Dummett, Dan Gosling, Gael Bigirimana, Haris Vuckic, Sammy Ameobi, Yoan Gouffran.

    West Ham (4-2-3-1): Jussi Jaaskelainen (G), Guy Demel, James Collins, Winston Reid, Joey O’Brien, Mark Noble, Mohamed Diame, Matt Jarvis, Kevin Nolan (C), Stewart Downing, Modibo Maiga

    Subs: Adrian (G), Razvan Rat, James Tomkins, Alou Diarra, Joe Cole, Ravel Morrison, Ricardo Vaz Te.

  11. Cabaye off then otherwise he would be playing. Shola instead of Goofy…hoofball day then.

  20. Looks like, uh, the uh, entire squad…needs to, uh, work on their first, second and third touches.

    Really letting them down.

  21. Shouldnt any Pardwho team carry with it an obligatory health warning ?

    Something along the lines of “Watching this shite can make you lose the will to live”

  28. Passing getting a bit better now. I wonder what we actually practice every week though, maybe longball goal scoring and set pieces?

  32. Afraid to say even with new signings we are not going to get any better. This is depressing.

  33. sirjasontoon says:
    August 24, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    “Seen the french sports direct adverts…..La Poop”

    SJT, did you know that shite is feminine in French?

  37. sirjasontoon says:
    August 24, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    “Poop is Poop worky….”

    Aye but I think you were right and it would be “la poop” rather than “le poop.”

  38. Or Les Poop :lol: Sure that is a website i have visited on lonely winter nights too haha

  41. I hear that Pardew is looking for more “flair”. I don’t think we need more flair. We have flair in Ben Arfa, Marveaux, Cisse; on a good day, Sissoko, and if he stays, Cabaye. We need some solid players who don’t loose the ball or make stupid mistakes, and can create opportunities for the existing flair players.

  42. We haven’t looked that bad. I wish krul would stop the long goal kicks though. Seems Ben Arfa has decided to shoot on sight.

  45. Paul in Hollywood says:
    August 24, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    “I hear that Pardew is looking for more “flair”.”

    So why does he have Krul punting it up the pitch all the time then (and that’s just one thing)? If he wants more flair at Newcastle United he should fire himself.

  47. 45 mins not one shot on target cisse looks completely out of his league he has lost all interest

  48. I don’t think Cisse has lost interest at all, he is fighting for the ball but nothing is coming off.

  53. May I be proved wrong, but Sammy Ameobi will be less effective than Marveaux.

  56. Paul in Hollywood says:
    August 24, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    “May I be proved wrong, but Sammy Ameobi will be less effective than Marveaux.”

    There always has to be an Ameobi coming on after 65-70 minutes, didn’t you know that. Paul?

  72. Anita, Goofy and Marv need to always start over Guti, shola and Tiote. Just goes to show its not the players its Pardew. Even Debuchy had a good game. Until we get rid of him and Joe we will stay shite.

  75. Well we were better than last time anyway. Then again, Man City were slightly better than West Ham but even so, we didn’t lose against a mid table side.

  76. Well, not utter shite. The second half was better, we didn’t concede, no yellow cards – when did that last happen? To avoid sounding like Pardew, we need some confidence. This was more in evidence as the game wore on. Remy for Shola will also help. Gouffran was unlucky. Had luck been with him, we would all be much happier.

  78. dokky says:
    August 24, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    “Pardew will blame the rain you heard it here first”

    Dokky, we didn’t lose, we drew. Pardew will say it was a great performance which showed we can go toe to toe with the very best teams like West Ham, and without Cabaye! If Cabaye was in the right headspace to play, we would have won 10-0. Or something like that anyway.

  79. West Ham were no great shakes, And we couldn’t beat them.
    With all due respect to the Hammers, We have to be winning these type of home games.
    Pardew is going to be nigh on finished by the time the Villa away game, Comes around.

  80. Everton away will be the final straw, And i can see Pardew getting peddled after that!

  81. “Dokky, we didn’t lose, we drew. Pardew will say it was a great performance which showed we can go toe to toe with the very best teams like West Ham”

    I am glad i can understand sarcasm. If we can’t have one shot one target against the mighty wet spam at our own gground, what hope have we got against decent teams?

  82. dokky says:
    August 24, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    “I am glad i can understand sarcasm.”

    Dokky, I’ll have you know that was actually a serious attempt at predicting Pardew’s post match drivel! :-)

  83. It’s difficult to tell what’s a joke and what’s not with this clown worky! Also just read this makes fun reading

    “14 – Newcastle had 14 shots off target without any on target today, something no other Premier League team has done in the past eight seasons. Wayward.”

  84. I hoped for a surprise and got one.A point.A striker and a central creative midfielder and we can have a proper go.

  85. Everyone knows. The people who put highlights and full match videos online always leave Newcastle United’s until last now because hardly anyone wants to watch them. If they ever leave any Premier League ones out, it’s inevitably Newcastle as well. The only time they put them up promptly and make decent ones is when we get eviscerated by a very good team like Man City last week.

  86. Dokky, Pardew’s biggest achievements in Football, Are his constant breaking of records, For the wrong reasons!

  87. “Southampton manager Mauricio Pochettino, after his side earned a draw with an 88th minute leveller to go third in the embryonic table with four points from two matches: “We were asleep in the first three minutes [for Emanuele Giaccherini’s goal] – it is not acceptable and I take responsibility for it.”

    Would you ever hear pardew say such?

  88. So tell me how bad was it ?

    For the first time in many years I didnt bother watching this shower and went to the gym instead. Much better idea as the place was empty :)

  89. AndyMac says:
    August 24, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    “So tell me how bad was it ?”

    It was better Andy, but we still broke some kind of record for no shots on target in 16 attempts (or something like that)

  91. AndyMac says:
    August 24, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    “What do Newcastle United and a fat ugly bird on Saturday night have in common ?”

    Go on then Andy, tell us.

  92. I didn’t think we played that badly but took too many shots from distance – 35 yards some of them. We had like a combination tactic of playing it on the ground, but then when Krul got the ball, EVEN IF HE HAD PLENTY OF TIME, he would lump it up to Shola. Then Shola would foul and Wet Span would get the ball.

    We did hit the post and Gouffran’s miss was pure reaction that 9 times out of 10 would have gone in.

  94. “Score” is the clue WT

    Two games, 180 minutes of football and 1 shot on target :lol:

  95. joe hawkins says:
    August 24, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    “Everton away will be the final straw, And i can see Pardew getting peddled after that!”

    Not a chance, Joe. If Jabba fires him, he’ll be due an eye-watering payoff.

    And if he was ever going to walk out as a matter principle, he’d have done if after JFK crashed onto the scene (as he was supposed to).

  96. AndyMac says:
    August 24, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    “Score” is the clue WT”

    Aye, I see what you’re saying but Everton 0, West Brom 0 was straight up there, Andy.

  97. workyticket says:
    August 24, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    “Go on then Andy, tell us.”

    It can’t be what originally sprang to my mind because we regularly get f…

  100. Pardew pleased as punch with defensive display today:

    “We had to dig-in after Man City and show resilience. Defensively we couldn’t have put in a better performance.”

  101. I wonder who writes his lines for him ? Surely there has to be a spin doctor at work somewhere in SJP ?

    “Overall I’m pleased we managed to hold interest in the game right up to the final whistle”

  103. He is kind of right we only had 1 shot against us. But what about attack you clueless twat?

  105. dokky says:
    August 24, 2013 at 6:06 pm (Edit)

    “He is kind of right we only had 1 shot against us. But what about attack you clueless twat?”

    “Defensively we did not put in a bad performance, offensively we know we have to improve, but we had some key players missing today and hopefully when we play Fulham one or two will be back.”

  106. Didnt they have two goals disallowed and our static defence watched Maiga and Nolan miss easy headed chances ?

  107. Darthbroon, I would be very surprised if Ashley hasn’t got a clause in the contract, To cover him.
    Personally i just think he’s giving him every chance, Because he will never find a more willing dupe.
    If the results carry on in a similar vein, Ashley will have no choice, But to pull the trigger.

  108. There is a Programme on BBC 1,”that Puppet Game Show”, Pardew hasn’t been on yet though…

  110. Lee Ryder *the voice or reason” writes in the Chronicle that Cabaye has refused to play for the team AGAIN !!!!

    If thats true then suspend him, fine him and make him play with the stiffs. However note I said “If that’s true”

  112. AndyMac says:
    August 24, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    “Lee Ryder *the voice or reason” writes in the Chronicle that Cabaye has refused to play for the team AGAIN !!!!”

    Reading his pieces, I seriously think that Lee Ryder must have some kind of arrangement with Pardew, writing things that Pardew can’t say in public.

  113. Worky @111: I have said it once before I think. I think she is clearly biased most of the time and shouldn’t even be a reporter on NUFC. I know you think she shouldn’t be a reporter, full stop.

  115. GS says:
    August 24, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    “Worky @111: I have said it once before I think.”

    Bollocks GS, you’ve written it more than twice I’m sure, you’ve just forgotten.

  116. Worky @115: it must be a schoolboy crush type thing where I say I don’t like her, but secretly love her.

  117. Anyway Worky, the sideshow will continue at a frantic pace this week.

    The whole Cabaye thing, banners protesting against Kinnear, another game before possible last minute deals can be done and save us, will Remy be fit and keep Shola out of the team?

    Will Remy be fit and will Pardew drop Cisse and play Ramy and Shola :)

  119. GS says:
    August 24, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    “The whole Cabaye thing, banners protesting against Kinnear”

    Aye, last season and this season so far has all been Kinnear’s fault.