Ashley for England!

Posted on June 4th, 2012 | 25 Comments |

Now that the Newcastle Evening Chronicle has had it’s “Mike Ashley is a lovable cuddly owner and doesn’t eat babies after all” week, and everybody swallowed it (aye right!) I suppose it’s safe to have the odd Mike Ashley story on this venerable blog? Woah! Who hoyed that rotten tomato??

Mikey’s company, S_____ D_____ (hereafter referred to as “SD” or there’ll be lines all over the place!) is reported by The Scotsman to be in the hunt to buy the Umbro brand – wot makes the kit for the Ingerland team. The brand is currently owned by US Company, Nike (the one with the big “tick”), who bought it for £285M in 2008.

Now correct me if I’m wrong here, but I would have thought that any brand associated with Ingerland would have to be carefully marketed. Y’know, the same way they do with the footy team, tell everybody it’s top notch when really it’s crap. It’s amazing how many people swallow that rubbish every time a big tournament comes along LOL! But if anybody can market the brand, Mikey can. Luckily, Umbro is also associated with other, more notable (and successful) organisations like Glasgow Rangers, Livingston, Manchester City and the mighty Republic of Ireland – the best national team in the British Isles, but then I’m biased!

So why are Nike (the one with the big “tick”) selling Umbro? Well, according to the company, it wants to increase it’s focus on it’s core brand (that’s “Nike” to you and me), and “faster growing labels such as Converse” – who??? Strangely enough, that other big brand out there on the market, Adidas, are also tightening their belt in the face of these austere times for capitalism. But not SD who just seem to grow and grow. Speaking of tightening belts by the way, has anyone seen the new, sylph-like figure that is Mikey these days? Well done that man for getting in shape, a shadow of his former self! Must be handy when you need a new wardrobe and just happen to own a clothing company!

Now that this blog has finally said something nice about you, get out there and buy us some really good players Mikey-boy!

SD owned a 30% share in Umbro before it was sold to Nike, and also owns the Lonsdale and Slazenger brands. Mikey is the executive Deputy Chairman of SD and doesn’t get paid a wage as such, but gets bucketloads of cash in the form of share dividends – this year alone he looks likely to pick up a cool £23M – hey Mikey! That would buy a canny centre half and right back eh? :)

Anyroadup, when I used to go into SD shops – in the early days before the treatment handed out to United legend and one of my personal heroes, Sir Kevin Keegan, they always seemed totally disorganised to me, as if the “made in China” clothes had just been tipped straight out of the shipping container and stacked willy-nilly anywhere there was a space. Are they still like that? They also never seemed to have sizes that fitted “big” lads like me 8) Anyway, I’ve decided to make money writing dieting books. I’m told they’ll appeal to a very wide audience (did you see what I did there?).

I don’t go in SD shops these days of course, I’m a “Cotton Traders” XXXL modern man (22.5% Jubilee discounts end on Tuesday by the way – and no, I’m not being paid anything for that obvious plug) :)

Anyway, back to the Evening Chronicle. Are they doing “Derek Llambias is misunderstood” next week? Next to an advert for “shudda gone to Specsavers” maybe? What d’you think?


NUFCBlog Author: UTD111 UTD111 has written 59 articles on this blog.

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25 Responses

  1. What a mixed up jumble of tosh you’ve written here… talking about goin off at tangenst fella, yer worse than a woman explaning things.. lol

    Tbh, I’m fed up to the back teeth about all the Ashley shyte, yeah he’s messed up big time over the past 5yrs & will probably do it again in the next X amount of years if he stays but isn’t it about time we got over it & got on with our lives & support the team that he is helping to build for us???

    I’m not saying forgive or forget, just let it be & get on with our lives until the next major event euopts across the websites..

  2. @Toon69

    I was getting in touch with me feminine side LOL! And my other excuse is I had a skinful last night burp!

    Never mind about that – do you go in his shops? Are they still like tips?

  3. So that explains the woman’s touch to this post.. lol

    I’ve been in the SD shops over here in Cyprus but not sure if they’re owned by SD still or franchised out to Cyps, but the one’s I’ve been in aren’t that bad, no different to other stores over here, where they pack as much as they can into the space they have, tho tbh everything is either on hangers or stacked in piles…

    I’m not one of those who boycotted the SD shops in the first place, mainly because in Cyprus we don’t have the sports stores you have in the UK, like JJB, Adidas etc etc… so I’ve brought stuff from there over the past 5yrs and not ashamed to say I have but as I’m back in to the UK this week for good, I’ll probably go elsewhere again :) tho they do sell some decent cheap footballs that my dogs like to burst & rip apart for only a €1.. lol

  4. Woman’s touch – aye – a blog about clothes and dieting LOL!

    Anyway Toon69, no probs shopping in SD these days, the Chronicle reckons Mikey is a really nice, misunderstood man – they even rolled in folk like Chris Hughton and Jokin Here (our roly poly ex-manager) to tell us what a great fella he is. Shop til you drop mate – and give the dog a cuddle from me :)

  5. I don’t wear much sports clobber but if i need a blue top for five aside once a week, £15 to the (former?) fat controller seems better than £40 somewhere else. which is why he’s so successful i guess.

  6. “I’m a “Cotton Traders” XXXL modern man (22.5% Jubilee discounts end on Tuesday by the way”

    An oxymoron surely, UTD? Do they do any trousers which aren’t elasticated yet? Are the discounts because most CT customers watched the original Coronation? :-)

  7. I know I’m getting old because I’ve started listening to Radio 4. I haven’t picked up a Cotton Traders catalogue quite yet though.

  8. stop spreading rumors that mike ashley doesn’t eat babies. Yes, he is lovable & cuddly but he gets his inner glow only from baby eating.

  9. I was at the Redbridge Green Fair today and some folk were settinfg up a big circle of branches and flowers for some reason and in the middle of it was an big S.D. bag. I think it was just being used to carry shrubery and the like and nowt to do with event/happening, just thought it looked a wee bit incongruous.

    Incidently I watched the coronation at a local Working mans club in Gateshead as a kid on an ancient (now) BW telly. She is doing ok for a Great Grandma aint she.

  10. Grumpy Old-Toon says:
    June 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    “Incidently I watched the coronation at a local Working mans club in Gateshead as a kid on an ancient (now) BW telly. She is doing ok for a Great Grandma aint she.”

    Grumpy, do you get your clobba from “Cotton Traders” like UTD? ;-)

  11. Mulumbu ?
    Should we put in a bid for this guy ?
    As it seems, we are being offered 20m. by Chelsea, to secure a deal for Tiote.
    If we can get Mulumbu for say 5-6m., grab the 20m,
    it’s still a 10m profit, counting both the original fee for Tiote plus Mulumbu’s cost.
    Plus the guy is reported to be as good if not better, certainly does’nt have the Card collection.
    And while on the subject, there’s also Mussa Sissoko, who can play either defensively or as an attacking midfielder.
    But we should be attempting to solve the lack of defenders before we sign midfielders or fowards.
    Guess like most windows, there are negotiations going on with a number of players and agents, with a bit of brinksmanship from both sides.

  12. When is there going to be a story on any prospective transfers? all im hearing is ashley this, kinnear that. bit bored to be honest.

  13. Thankfully we can now put to bed the “Have we signed Hoilett ?” monotony

  14. Worky where I live the stuff that gets chucked into the local charity shops is such good clobber and hardly worn that I hardly spend anything on clothes and the missus tends to get her stuff from e-bay. I do seriously like Cotton Traders clothes though although it can be a bit pricy but it does last. :)

    Latest nasty rumour I’ve seen is that ManC are interested in Collo, bit surprised that a few others aren’t showing an interest as well.

  15. Is it just me or does anyone else think the Injury list on Physio room has dwindled remarkably during the past week or so ?

    Do injuries not count when the season ends ? Or is it because they’re all off on their holidays so they’re not officially injured ? Or is it because we’ve let go all of the injured lame ducks who didnt want to play ?

  16. UTD111: you can probably pick up some of Cotton Traders latest lines at Heighley Gates Garden Centre….lol:)

    Anyone else sick of hearing guff about Rio not in England Squad!! He needs to get over it, he’s not the first England regular to be dropped over the years and he’ll not be the last!!

  17. UTD111 says:
    June 4, 2012 at 8:28 pm


    That’s where I get my stuff from – it’s our nearest mega store LOL!”

    I’ll bet it’s like a motability scooter convention down there on pension day, UTD.